The Shade
It was a bright spring Tuesday. The sun shone over Northside Middle School. It was mid-afternoon and recess had just started. Most of the 6th graders were running around, playing, and enjoying themselves.
​
Well, almost all of them were enjoying themselves except for Matthias.
The 12-year-old boy was sitting alone underneath a tree in a far corner of the yard.
How can they all fool around like that? Matthias thought as he watched his classmates play.
The shade from the leaves and the soft grass underneath him were extremely comfortable, but Matthias wasn’t enjoying it at all.
I guess it makes sense, Matthias thought as he brought his knees up to his chest. I’m the only one in this whole school who cares about her.
Matthias wasn’t feeling this way because he was trying to be melodramatic. To him, it was the truth.
He was the only student in the school who really knew Dana.
______________________________________________________________________________
Matthias always was alone growing up.
He was never a really social person, even during elementary school and because of this, he never had many friends during his early childhood.
It’s not that he wanted to be a social outcast or didn’t want to get to know anybody his age. He was just a very shy and quiet boy who had difficulty getting to know others.
For the first five months of middle school, he was always sitting in the back of the class, rarely raising his hand, or speaking when called upon.
Because he was always seen by himself, most of his classmates classified him as a weirdo, a title that bothered Matthias slightly.
It was one day during art class that he finally made a friend.
It was a late Tuesday afternoon during 4th period. 4th period for Matthias meant art class, the one class where he actually enjoyed himself. Most of the time he got to design and draw anything he wanted without interference or assistance.
This time, however, it was a group project which meant everyone needed at least one partner.
“Matthias, is there anyone you want to work with?” Matthias looked up to see Ms. Katherine standing next to him.
Ms. Katherine was his 25-year-old art teacher. She was his favorite teacher because she was always kind and patient with him. She had also been trying to help him overcome his timidness since the start of the year.
​
“Well, not in particular, but… everyone kind of already has a group,” Matthias said as he pointed out the already full tables.
Ms. Katherine stood up and quickly scoured the tables, her gaze finally settling on one other person sitting by herself.
“What about Dana? Why don’t you sit with her?”
Matthias blinked in surprise. Dana was the only other weirdo in the class since she was always by herself just like Matthias, but that was where the similarities ended.
Dana was a bit of a troublemaker and enjoyed the attention, the exact opposite of Matthias.
He had heard stories of Dana’s many exploits: swiping the janitor’s key to all the forbidden rooms, infiltrating the cafeteria to steal all the desserts, and sneaking onto the roof in order to protest the removal of art and music classes.
Considering her “sterling” reputation, perhaps it wasn’t such a good idea to be around her.
“Um, maybe I should just-”
“Good, come on, let’s go and meet her,” Ms. Katherine said, blissfully unaware that Matthias hadn’t finished his sentence.
When they arrived at Dana’s table, she was actively coloring something on her paper. Noticing her teacher standing over her, she stopped to look up and flash a big smile.
“Oh, hi, Ms. Katherine. Is there something wrong?”
“No, not at all. I was just wondering if Matthias could work with you?” Ms. Katherine said as she gestured to Matthias. Dana turned towards him and stared for a few seconds. Matthias suddenly felt very uncomfortable and wished he was back at his table.
“Sure, I don’t mind. I like the help,” Dana said and motioned the chair next to her.
“Great! I’ll leave you to it then.” Ms. Katherine walked away to check on the other groups, leaving Matthias and Dana alone.
For a few awkward seconds, Matthias just stood there, unsure of what to do.
​
“Well, don’t just stand there. Sit down before you fall over,” Dana said as she dove back into her drawing. Matthias, taking her statement as permission, quietly slid into the seat next to her.
“So, Matthias, right? You’re the guy who always hangs in the back,” Dana said as she paused her work to face her partner.
“Um, yeah,” Matthias said, “and you’re Dana, the girl who's always getting herself into trouble.”
“Well, I wouldn’t say that,” Dana said as she stretched, “I just like to make a point to the teachers and students here.”
“What do you mean?” Matthias said, suddenly curious. “Are you saying there’s a reason for everything you do?”
“Well, yeah,” Dana said, “I mean, the adults keep telling us kids that we can’t look behind the locked doors. But we’re kids! We’re young and curious and we want to know if there’s something cool waiting for us when we open them. As for the desserts, every kid deserved to taste them and it’s pretty obvious the lunch ladies always hold out on us and deny us our rightful treats. So, I take it upon myself to ‘liberate’ the desserts so we all can share.”
“Okay, I get the first two, I really do. But why did you feel the need to go up onto the roof? To prove something?” Matthias said, scratching his cheek thoughtfully.
“Because the teachers wanted to get rid of things that I loved,” Dana said, her tone suddenly becoming serious. “I mean, Ms. Katherine didn’t, she loves teaching art, but the rest of them wanted to get rid of art and music for stupid reasons. Budget cuts, taking up storage space, and all that crap. I felt like I was the only one who cared enough to do something about it.”
“I still don’t get why you did that.”
“Well, one, it was a great way to get lots of people’s attention. Two, it would take the teachers forever to get me which gave me enough time to make my speech. Thirdly,” Dana said as she looked Matthias dead in the eyes, “I was hoping if enough people saw how much one person would go to save the art and music program, it would change their minds. I mean, if you care about something, like really care about something, wouldn’t you do whatever it takes to protect it?”
Matthias could only look at her in a sort of awe. Before this, he had just viewed her as an attention hog, someone who got into trouble just for the thrill.
But hearing her story made him see her in a new light.
She wasn’t crazy or eccentric.
She was brave and unafraid to stand for what she believed in.
And it seemed she loved art even more than he did.
When the announcement came that the art and music classes were going to be closed, Matthias was sad but had accepted it. After all, what could a kid do about an adult decision?
But shortly after Dana’s stunt, the teachers had decided to keep the classes, claiming they had “rescinded their decision.”
But Matthias had the sneaking suspicion now that Dana’s action may have had something to do with it.
“You’re amazing, you know that?” Matthias said. Dana looked at him in surprise. “It’s just, when I thought art was gonna be gone forever, I got all depressed, but just did nothing. But you didn’t; you took a big risk and made everyone listen to you, even if it meant going against the school.”
Matthias paused for a moment before continuing. “I wish I was more like you. Maybe then I would have what you had.”
“And what do I have?” Dana said with a raised eyebrow.
“Confidence, I guess.”
For a whole minute, neither said a word. When Dana didn’t immediately reply, Matthias was afraid he might have said something stupid. After all, he had never gotten into such an intimate talk before.
“You know… nobody has ever bothered to ask me why I do the things I do,” she said. “Most of my classmates write me off as crazy and the teachers just label me as a delinquent. I’m kind of glad there’s someone who tries to see things my way for once.”
When Matthias turned to face her, he was met with a look of gratitude.
The happy look on her face made Matthias realize this was the longest conversation he had ever held with another person. It felt strange, yet good at the same time.
“Uh, maybe we should get back to drawing. We only have 20 minutes left,” Matthias said, pointing to the clock.
“Oh, yeah. Want to see what I’m working on?” Dana said as she gestured to her picture. Matthias leaned over to take a look.
“What am I supposed to be looking at?”
“It’s a man breaking through a stone wall. You know, kind of like when Superman punches through a brick wall?” Dana said, clearly proud of her work.
“Wait, that’s a man? It looks more like an alien with a big head,” Matthias said as he noticed the weird design.
“Oh, come on! His head isn’t that big,” Dana said.
“No, no, I don’t mean that it looks bad,” Matthias said, “I just think that there’s a way to make the body more proportionate.”
“Okay, then show me,” Dana said as she stepped back and gave Matthias her pencil. Matthias began to erase some of her design and then redraw the man. After a few minutes, he stepped back to let Dana look at his work.
​
“Wow, that looks cool! You’re really good at drawing!” Dana said.
“Not really. I just practice a lot by myself when I have free time,” Matthias said as he shyly scratched his cheek.
“Well, then why don’t you show me during recess and you can teach me how to improve my drawing.”
“Wait, what?!” Matthias said. “Shouldn’t you be asking Ms. Katherine to tutor you instead of me?”
“Yeah, I could, but I’d rather learn it from you.”
“... Why? Why would you rather learn drawing from me?” Matthias said bewildered.
“Because I’d like to get to know you better,” Dana said, “You know all this stuff about me, but I don’t know that much about you. I think you’re an interesting person, Matthias, and I’d like to be friends if possible. I mean if that’s okay with you?”
Matthias was dumbfounded for the second time that day. First, he actually held a conversation and got to know this adventurous girl, now she wanted to suddenly become friends. Any other person would have been a little suspicious, but Matthias was honestly a little surprised by the request, but in a good way.
“Yeah, sure, I’d like to be friends,” Matthias said with a nod.
Dana smiled at his acceptance. “Good, me too…”
______________________________________________________________________________
Matthias smiled as he recalled that memory.
After their first meeting in art class, they began to spend lots of time together.
Dana dragged him all over the park and neighborhood to take part in her adventures. Matthias had difficulty keeping up with her at first, but eventually started getting used to the endeavors.
When they weren’t running around getting into mischief, Matthias took the time to educate Dana and thanks to his tutelage, Dana’s skills eventually got better.
​
It’s because of her that I finally broke out of my shell, Matthias thought as he fell onto his back and lay there, looking fondly at the greenery above him.
______________________________________________________________________________
“Come on, Matthias, keep up!”
“Hey, don’t rush me, I don’t want to fall!”
Matthias clung onto the tree branch tightly as he tried to get his footing. It was three weeks after the two had become friends. They had come to the park on the weekend to find a good place to sketch. Matthias had suggested a trio of tall oak trees to practice drawing which Dana readily agreed.
After half an hour of coloring leaves, Dana had decided to take a break by climbing the tallest of the three trees. Matthias wanted to watch, but Dana wouldn’t allow it.
Why did I let her drag me into this? Matthias thought as he tried to keep up with Dana. She was already five branches ahead of him. He was lucky it wasn’t a race because Matthias was moving at a snail’s pace.
“Come on, slowpoke, I can almost see the top!” Dana said as she climbed into the thick bough of leaves.
“Dana, hold on, please!” Matthias pleaded, but to no avail. Dana’s feet were already gone. Matthias sighed as he carefully followed.
When he reached for the final branch, it suddenly snapped off, throwing Matthias off his balance. Starting to slip, Matthias grabbed hold with his left hand for dear life to stop himself. Matthias could only gasp in shock, too surprised to scream. His shock turned to fear when he felt his left hand starting to slip
“Nononononono,” Matthias said as he desperately tried to regain his balance.
Suddenly, he felt something grab his shirt and give a hard tug. He felt himself pulled upward into the green and found himself face to face with Dana.
“Saved your life,” Dana said with a knowing smile.
Matthias didn’t say anything for a moment as his brain tried to comprehend what just happened. When he found his voice again, all he managed to utter was, “Wow, you’re strong.”
Dana shrugged modestly. “I’m honestly more impressed you got so high up on your own. You didn’t need my help until the very end.”
“To be honest, I was scared out of my mind,” Matthias said.
“Well, for your first time climbing a tree, you did really well,” Dana said as she pointed down, “I mean, you got all the way to the top after all.”
It finally sunk in that Matthias had indeed reached the top. He felt a sudden well of pride in himself as he subconsciously followed Dana’s finger… only to realize how far up he had actually gone.
“Ah, that’s high! We are really high up!” Matthias said as he hugged the tree for dear life, “Hey, how are we going to get down?”
“... Huh, you know, I didn’t actually think that far ahead,” Dana said as she shrugged, “Sorry.”
Matthias could only stare at her in disbelief. And then much to his surprise, he started to laugh.
“What’s so funny?” Dana said, giving him a confused expression.
“I don’t know. I should be mad at you, but really, I can’t help but find this hilarious,” Matthias said as he continued to chuckle.
He noticed Dana frowning at him, but then cracked a smile and started to laugh with him…
______________________________________________________________________________
As time went on, Matthias began to become less introverted.
He became less shy, talked more without stuttering, and began conversing with the other students.
All of it thanks to Dana’s influence.
One month. Hard to believe all of that took place in one month, Matthias thought, his smile falling.
Matthias felt he really got to understand her better in such a short amount of time, but he felt it wasn’t long enough.
He felt like their time just got cut short.
______________________________________________________________________________
It happened about a week ago, last Tuesday afternoon. The sky was dark with rain clouds and it had been pouring since late last night.
​
Matthias arrived in art class before the first bell and patiently waited in a seat. When all the other students began to fill the room, Matthias scanned the room for Dana but saw no sign of her.
“Weird she wasn’t here all day. But she never misses a day of school; maybe she got sick or something,” Matthias said to himself.
He was hoping she would get better soon if she was sick; she had said that she was planning a trip to the zoo for the weekend.
Ms. Katherine came in, but Matthias noticed she wasn’t her usual cheery self. In fact, she looked absolutely miserable. Her eyes were red, her face was downcast, and her shoulders slumped as if carrying a terrible burden.
​
I wonder what happened to her? I hope she’s okay, Matthias thought to himself.
​
Matthias expected his art teacher to go to her desk and start the lesson, but much to his surprise, she walked right up to his desk.
“Matthias, can you step outside for a second? We need to talk.”
“Uh, yes, ma’am,” Matthias said, getting out of seat. He noticed out of the corner of his eye that some of the other classmates were whispering to each other. Matthias didn’t pay them much mind as he followed Ms. Katherine.
After stepping out, she closed the classroom door behind her and turned to Matthias.
“Matthias, earlier today, you asked if I had seen Dana,” Ms. Katherine said.
“Yeah, did she come in late? Or did she get into trouble again?”
“No, Matthias, she…” Much to Matthias’s surprise, Ms. Katherine began to tear up.
“Ms. Katherine, what’s wrong?”
Ms. Katherine wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. Matthias noticed she had a solemn look on her face.
“Matthias, the school didn’t find out about this until a little while ago. Dana’s parents were driving her to school when… a drunk driver, he wasn’t paying attention… he ran the red light and… Matthias, Dana got into an accident…”
“What?!” Matthias said, the realization hitting him, “Is she okay?!”
Ms. Katherine didn’t answer him right away. She looked to the ground, her hair hiding her eyes. Matthias suddenly felt his heart stop.
“Ms. Katherine… is she okay?”
Ms. Katherine looked back up to her student and slowly said, “Matthias, the driver hit the side she was sitting on… she’s gone, Matthias.”
Something very fragile inside Matthias shattered. For a second, he couldn’t comprehend what he had just heard.
Dana… gone?
No, not gone. Dead.
​
He would never go on adventures with her anymore. No more drawing lessons. No more talking or goofing around. Gone just like that. Just like her.
“
I’m sorry, Matthias,” Ms. Katherine said as she hugged him gently, “I’m really sorry.”
Matthias wanted to feel something, anything at all. But at that moment, all he could feel was numbness.
The emptiness.
There were no tears.
He just stood there, body frozen, eyes wide with shock as his teacher tried to comfort him.
But no amount of “I’m sorry” or hugging could make the horrible void go away…
______________________________________________________________________________
Why? Why her? Why did it have to be her? Matthias thought as he stared at the ground. I was just… I felt like I was just starting to get to know her.
​
Feelings bubbled up inside of Matthias as he clenched his fists, both grief and anger.
He wanted to shout, tear up the grass, or hit something.
But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. It wouldn’t help anyway.
Getting upset wouldn’t make Dana come back or ease the pain in his chest.
For the whole week after the accident, Matthias lost the will to do anything.
He began to miss classes, stopped doing schoolwork, and shut himself from everyone around him.
Most of the teachers were lecturing him, telling him he had to take his studies seriously, but they didn’t understand.
None of his classmates approached him or tried to comfort him.
Only Ms. Katherine did and she tried to give Matthias time to be by himself. He appreciated the gesture, but it didn’t make him feel any better.
​
And here he was now, back at the start, a quiet and lonely boy again.
A grieving child mourning the loss of a person who befriended him when no one else did.
A 6th grader suffering by himself while the rest of the world lives on not noticing.
The bell rang, signaling that recess was over.
All of the kids headed to the doors to get back to class.
Matthias waited till almost everyone was inside before slowly getting up and trudging to the door.
He noticed the ground suddenly darkened as he stepped out of the shade and looked up.
A large cloud covered the sun, darkening the yard and school, as if Matthias had never left the shadow of the tree.
​